Cheshire Swingers Club

December 18, 2007 at 1:29 pm 18 comments


Cheshire Swingers Club

 Meanwhile, our pleasant little hamlet has been invaded by strange folk again. Outsiders. Our rural idyll has succumbed to the influx of the Caravan Club staying at the Village Hall. There must be some 30 or 40 vans crammed onto the car park and the adjacent field. Why? Why? Why? Why? Well, I guess we should be grateful for small mercies. While they’re clogging the car park of our little Village Hall, they are not causing chaos on our roads!

Caravans at the Village Hall are quite a common occurrence. They come from near and, well actually, near. Such far-flung places as Warrington, Stoke or maybe even North Wales. OK Wales may be a different country or, indeed, a parallel universe, but, it’s still only an hour away.

They come on a Friday afternoon and they are gone by Sunday lunchtime. But the weirdest thing (other than the basic question of why anyone would want to camp on a car park in the middle of nowhere, with no pub, restaurant or places to visit) is that you never see the people. You would expect to see them round the village, walking, or cycling. You would expect to see them on the footpaths or bridal ways. Nothing. Never. They just stay indoors. They stay in their caravans behind steamy windows. Or they stay in the village hall, behind steamy windows. It is a bit suspicious this steamy window thing.

We can only assume that the whole caravan thing is a front. We suspect that it is one great swingers’ club. Some of the suspensions on these rickety old caravans must have the workout of a lifetime. Some of the suspensions on the rickety old caravaners too. I can’t imagine it is very comfortable on a foam-padded mattress over a fold-down table. Maybe Calor Gas is an aphrodisiac? That, or tinned new potatoes, marrowfat peas and Smash.  Presumably the Village Hall is used for orgies or the selection process. Maybe this is where they throw their car keys into the mythical pot. Keys for Skodas, Volvos and VW vans mostly. Just imagine it. Swinging scallies from Stoke, Crewe and Wrexham. All of that cheap polyester rubbing together in a confined space, with gas bottles. One hell of a safety risk. The static electricity generated could run a small city. Maybe this could be the answer to global warming.
Fortunately most of the caravaners seem to be beyond breeding age. Thank goodness for that. Just imagine what could crawl out of that genetic soup. It doesn’t bear thinking about. And this in Cheshire too………
If not swingers then we must assume Satanic ritual at the very least. Or sheep shaggers….. 
When I do get my bike out of the garage I will be sure to cycle very quickly past the Village Hall when the caravans are in situ. 
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Sheep To The Slaughter The Great Divide

18 Comments Add your own

  • 1. chris  |  January 26, 2008 at 10:59 am

    you want to get a caravan and get a life.there away of getting out and meeting friends and we do visit the towns/villages and pubs, better than sitting on a computer and moning, get a caravan and a life

  • 2. Middle Man  |  January 28, 2008 at 9:27 am

    I think you missed the point. They don’t do anything. If they were doing the things you said it would make perfect sense.

  • 3. John  |  April 17, 2008 at 5:25 pm

    Oh dear, perhaps you need to direct them here:

  • 4. Middle Man  |  April 18, 2008 at 9:06 am

    It still surprises me that this is my most popular post and that “swingers” figures in the most frequent search termsbut, hey, each to their own. Apparantly swingers identify themselves to like-mided people by planting pampas grass outside their homes…

  • 5. Swingers Heavens  |  June 10, 2008 at 10:14 pm

    I like swinging like a fat kid loves cake ! One of my favourite hobbies.

  • 6. UK Swingers  |  June 10, 2008 at 11:12 pm

    Swinging is a truly great exercise, great for the mind, body and soul !!

  • 7. Middle Man  |  June 11, 2008 at 8:13 am

    I must admit that I had never thought of it in terms of an exercise regime. I guess I can see that it is better than going to the gym or jogging. But even so…….

  • 8. paul  |  September 2, 2008 at 11:03 am

    you know as a member of a swingers website I’ve never understood caravan swingers – but its a free world so enjoy – just my wife & I prefer to play in a house

  • 9. swingers  |  November 11, 2008 at 6:00 pm


  • 10. Middle Man  |  November 13, 2008 at 8:29 pm

    To Swingers

    “WOW” isn’t another secret codeword for something is it like “woman on woman”?

  • 11. bidonnamarie  |  January 9, 2009 at 2:30 pm

    Wow, being a life long swinger I have done it in several motor homes but this is really a great idea. Never really thought of it but why not bring your swing pad to the party, pub……..

    Great Idea and thanks for pointing it out to me.!

    Hugs and Kisses
    Donna Marie

  • 12. ITL Staff  |  June 17, 2009 at 12:55 am

    Great post, not enough people are open to the idea of an open relationship and a swingers lifestyle. Being into the lifestyle has so many rewards both in and out of the sexlife/bedroom! There is more great info and real couples and singles out there!

    • 13. Middle Man  |  June 19, 2009 at 7:23 am

      Thanks for your comment. Each to your own. But, the thought of these particular camping scallies making the monster with two backs is not something that I want in my head ;)

      • 14. Mark Flett  |  January 15, 2012 at 4:25 pm

        It was already in your head, not only that you were bursting to let us all know about what was in your head on these pages. If you abhor the idea of people having healthy, consensual sex in a wide variety of scenarios perhaps it’s you who Middle Man is in the sexually repressed minority.

        Come on lets have less of the sniggering innuendoes and sneering faux arrogance. It happens and just because you’re not brave enough to get involved you sneer and pour scorn on those who have a different outlook on life and sex. What’s up – did mummy lock you in the dark cupboard for masturbating over the Littlewoods catalogue? (DIY Section)

  • 15. Anonymous  |  May 4, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    They could have been a rally, though Cheshire is not listed for last year…

  • 16. Mark Flett  |  January 15, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    A blog that clearly hides thinly veiled repression, jealousy and prejudice

    • 17. Richie Hardon  |  February 10, 2013 at 11:16 pm

      Live and let live. Having a swinging time of our lives. Muself and me wife love it and we are getting it unlike a certain sour puss gi that’s has to make do with his second hand copy of razzle lmao

      • 18. Middle Man  |  February 11, 2013 at 8:13 am

        Thanks Richie, and great porn star name!

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