I’m A Celebrity…..

So Ant and his wife Dick (that trailer made me chuckle….) are back in the jungle. Hooray. I have to admit that I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here! is one of the (few) TV highlights of the year, despite the clash with Homeland – although I must admit that a Sunday evening off from Claire Danes looking puzzled in her manic-depression was a bit of a relief.

And, this year ITV seem to have matched the “celebrities” to the formula very well.

David Emanuel fills the role for likeable camp pantomime dame – the Biggins role – with the advantage that he can make his own frocks. Kian Egan – faded pop star. Steve Davis – faded sports star (and in there to give teenage kids everywhere the message that there IS someone more boring than their dad out there). Amy Willerton – one for the dads. Lucy Pargeter – faded soap star star this year’s stark reminder to all women out there that there are real dangers in sticking needles in your face. Step away from the botox ladies…..

This year’s Vanessa Feltz award has already gone to Matthew Wright who has sought to break all records for the fastest meltdown on any celebrity reality show. Surely he must know the he who blubs first is in for at least a week of being voted in for the Bush Tucker Trials…….

The bimbo pretty boy of the year award has gone to Joey Essex, who is also in there to make Dec look macho. And, Alfonso Riberio fulfils the role of token American who has clearly never seen the show before and will be desperate to get to a phone as soon as he is able in order to sack his agent. I am also suspicious that he – Alfonso – may also be a God botherer and look to evangelise us all. He has that rather smug” I’m better than you all” look of one who has been saved. Praise be to God. Or, it might just be the fact that he is American.

For me the early favourites are Rebecca Adlington OBE and Laila Morse. Rebecca is just nice, inoffensive and a good team player, giving up her tampax as kindling without a moment’s hesitation or embarrassment. Laila – Big Mo from EastEnders – is the doughty old’un and resident sage. She is rather unusual looking though and, therefore, also serves to divert attention from Rebecca’s rather large nose – I suspect that the bow wave generated by Adlington’s konk was the main reason for most of her Olympic success in the pool.

Incidentally, Laila is Gary Oldman’s sister. Boy they must have had ugly parents.

Bring on the shower scene, Amy…….