A Brazilian anyone….

May 17, 2016 at 12:57 am 1 comment

image

Brazilian

brəˈzɪlɪən/
noun
1. a native or inhabitant of Brazil.
2. a style of waxing a woman’s pubic hair in which almost all the hair is removed, with only a very small central strip remaining.
adjective
1. relating to Brazil.

My flight to São Paulo, Brazil from Manchester via Paris, Charles de Gaulle was fairly uneventful.

Incidentally those words “Paris, Charles de Gaulle” should always be spoken in a French accent, otherwise one tends to come across like a pompous or uneducated Brit abroad.

Which I am not.

Indeed, sometimes, I like to embellish the words with a little shoulder shrug and blowing a little air through pursed lips “phtttt”, or use the destination “Roissey” instead. On a good day I can almost pass for a native.

A native-born in Birmingham and speaking French badly using un-rounded vowels….(RIP Mr Rolands).

Manchester Terminal 3 was busy, especially in the bars and lounges, which were thronged with United fans (mostly Paddies) heading home early after the game had been abandoned due to a suspect package left at the ground.

I couldn’t help but wonder how many had managed to grab an earlier flight home and how many others had just chosen to take advantage of an unexpected 24 hour window in which to drink themselves stupid.

The flight to CdG (also to be spoken with a French accent) was made all the more entertaining by the drunk Scouse couple sat behind me (behind the curtain of shame which separates business class from those less fortunate) who were clearly off to Paris for a dirty weekend.

The woman was literally sobbing and slurring such things as “I’m so happy.” and, “This is the most romantic thing ever.” The cabin crew were clearly paying special attention to the lady and chose to quieten her down with a free glass of champagne. I thought this was a dangerous tactic but at least they declined her request for vodka as an alternative….

I think I got a glimpse into the weekend that they were going to be having when, upon landing, her romantic partner leaned in and declared that their hotel, apparently, was just a ten minute walk from the airport. More joyful tears….

Thankfully the flight landed early and my connection for São Paulo was in the same terminal, so I was quickly at the gate where I met a colleague that I am traveling with for the very first time. I immediately felt like a novice traveler.

Which I am not.

For, while I had checked in a suitcase the size of a small skip; was sporting a rucksack with which I could easily have undertaken a trek in the lower Himalayas; and a bag full of duty free cosmetics to replace those I had so ingloriously had to abandon in my sprint across CdG just a couple of weeks ago, he turfed up with just a trolley bag almost identical to that which I had left in the spare room.

The flight left on time. The seat in business class was comfortable enough but it wasn’t quite an A380. Nor was it Emirates or Ethiad. There was no bar at the back….

Indeed I believe they may have been rationing the booze. One glass of fizz upon boarding – which they do just to piss off all those in economy they make trail through business class. That’s the only reason why they let business class passengers board first. And just one glass of red with the meal.

Nevertheless I was tired and retired after watching the quite entertaining Deadpool and having taken the hint after they had dimmed the cabin lights.

And then there followed several long hours of cat napping between the snores of my fellow passengers; people rummaging for things in the overhead lockers; announcements telling us to strap ourselves in due to turbulence (it was quite bumpy); and, my own ragged breathing due to an untimely and unwelcome bout of sinusitis. I have a mucus brick inside of my head right now….

They turned the lights on with a couple of hours to go (why?), served us breakfast and the regaled us with announcements about imminent death as a result of various mosquito-borne maladies….

Welcome to Brazil! Now, which bag did I pack the repellent in?

 

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Entry filed under: middleman.

A world without social media…. Shere delight…

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Patricia Pover  |  May 17, 2016 at 11:04 am

    Bom dia A very amusing block from Brazil Hope your trip is successful this week I am just back from the land of the Paddies! Had a great time there and good weather ! Are you looking forward to the big move south next? Adeus Pat xxxxxx

    Sent from my iPad

    >

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