Decline and Fall

December 31, 2014 at 11:11 am Leave a comment

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As I sit here by the pool in Doha, Qatar in my swim shorts (definitely not Speedos – I am from Cheshire) and sunglasses in a comfortable 25 degrees with a gentle breeze, I can only speculate as to how much greater might the Great British Empire have been if only we had embraced appropriate hot weather wear and a factor fifty.

Admittedly, we didn’t do too bad a job with our pith helmets, khaki shorts and manly moustaches. And a gin and tonic or three to keep us cool and safely medicated.

But in truth, the Empire was soon cut short once we began to run out of Scots and Irish to do our fighting for us, while we sat in the shade, under a fan, eating tiffin before a game of billiards and a cocktail or three.

As such we were increasingly forced to rely on local troops to do our dirty and spread / enforce the great British creed of commerce, Sunday School Christianity and anti-French/German sentiment.

Unfortunately, slowly but surely, the locals began to think that they might as well be fighting and dying for their own causes, and lining their own pockets, and worshipping their own Gods, and there was a wave of nationalism and devolution much more successful than any Arab Spring or Scottish Referendum.

They were able to do so quite easily in the end. While protected from the Arabian/Indian/African (delete as necessary) heat by their flowing robes and sandals, they were able to seize power while we were taking a Tanqueray induced siesta.

They still prefer us to the Germans though.

If only we’d have listened and learnt from Lawrence of Arabia….

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Entry filed under: middleman.

2014 in review Je Suis Humaine!

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