The sorry state of British politics…..

October 11, 2014 at 11:18 am Leave a comment


Does anyone else feel disenfranchised at the moment? I am currently at a total loss as to who to vote for at the looming General Election. The only positive thing about the current set of UK political leaders (I can feel my Scottish friends wincing as they read those words) is the positive impact they have had on the careers of political cartoonists. Surely, this is the political generation which must bring about the revival of Spitting Image!

I used to vote Labour, until I became disgruntled with Tony Blair’s false smile and illegal wars, and with Gordon Brown –  a Scot with all good humour and generosity removed from his personality (which makes him a Yorkshireman doesn’t it?), and the compassion of Attila the Hun.

I then turned to the Liberal Democrats because their politics appear to be based upon grown-up logic, sound economics (thank God for Vince Cable), social compassion, and the best two Prime Ministers we never had – Paddy Ashdown and Menzies (Ming) Campbell. I still think that the Lib Dems have performed well in the Coalition Government, acting as a moral anchor and tempering the worst instincts and policies of the Spawn of Thatcher. Unfortunately, however, the Lib Dems seem to have become un-electable, being tarnished by association with the Tories, Clegg’s all too similar hairstyle to that of David Cameron, and that viral YouTube video….It is a shame, because I would very much like to see more of his wife, Miriam Gonzalez Durantez!

shoesI can’t vote Conservative. At least not unless they oust Cameron and swing way, way to the left. Which seems unlikely. The only swinging that the Tories seem to be involved in these days is likely to involve pampas grass and a gimp suit. William Hague is the only decent Conservative and they have already done for him. Cameron’s likely successors are quite terrifying – Theresa May, most famous for her “fuck you” shoes and having bigger balls than the other Bullingdon lapdogs, Osborne and Boris. Do we really want Boris Johnson in charge of the nuclear button and launching a bendy-bus invasion of Syria?

On the face of it I should have quite a bit in common with the Prime Minister, David Cameron. We are the same age, and we were both went to Oxford university. Indeed, we were both there at the same time although, as an obvious slow developer, he graduated a year later than me. But there the similarity ends. I was not a member of the Oxford Union, and I hadn’t even heard of the Bullingdon Club. And even if I had, I think I would still have chosen to frequent the Queen’s College Beer Cellar sweaty bops on a Friday night instead.

Unlike Mr Cameron, my Great, Great, Great, Great, Great Grandfather was not King William IV (by way of his mistress Dorothea Jordan). It is a fact that Cameron is indeed from a long line of right royal bastards. Educated at Eton and Oxford, he is a career politician having just had one job outside of politics, working as a Director of Corporate Affairs at Carlton Communications for six years, a job he got on the back of a recommendation from his mother-in-law, Lady Astor. He is a fifth cousin twice removed of HRM Queen Elizabeth II. He is hardly a man of the people. And, I feel he is likely to fall victim of a coup following the debacle of Clacton. I suspect that a similar catastrophe in Rochester and Strood could do for him.

But what are my choices? Where else can I cast my vote?

wallaceAt least Ed Miliband, forty four and the Labour Leader (I use that word in its loosest context), son of Jewish immigrants, went to ordinary schools before earning his place at Oxford University. But he is also a career politician, who knifed his older, brighter, more personable, better brother, David Miliband to secure his current, and hopefully brief, role as Leader (still loose) of the Opposition.

Red Ed cannot be Prime Minister. He has the charisma of Dudley. And, a 1970s Dudley at that. He may have been an excellent President of his Junior Common Room. I might even vote for him as leader of my local council. But, a Statesman he is not. He cannot be Prime Minister of this great nation. Bring back David. Take Ed down. Take Balls down. Let someone such as Chuka Umunna or Tristram Hunt step up and save the Party. We need a new New Labour.


The only good thing about Nigel Farage and UKIP is that they are not the BNP. Not yet. But, UKIP does seem to be fast becoming the home for those who spout the ideology of “I’m not a racist, but….”; people who hanker after the glory days of the great British Empire, defined as the period before the Empire Windrush set sail from Jamaica in 1948. Farage, pint in hand,  and his Monster Raving Looney followers are set on parting the waves of the English Channel and leading us on an exodus out of Europe to the Promised Land……and oblivion.

It is a sad, sad reflection on the state of our politics today when I find myself listening to a George Galloway speech and wondering…….



Entry filed under: Politics, rant. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , .

What did I ever do to you, Pizza Express? Woe is me….,

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