The Great British Summer

July 24, 2014 at 5:14 pm Leave a comment

too hot

What is happening with our weather?

I cannot remember the last time we had such a prolonged, sustained spell of hot, dry and sunny weather in the UK, especially up here in the North West. It hasn’t rained since Saturday! Apparently it is hotter here than in the Bahamas and Hawaii…..and that’s probably where that analogy ends.

Being British we have welcomed the sun. We love nothing better than to complain about all things meteorological. In fact, we like to complain about everything but about the weather in particular. “It’s too hot for me!” “It’s so hot I couldn’t sleep”.

south bankAnd the weather is newsworthy. Our morning news sofas are full of experts dispensing hints and tips about keeping cool – especially about keeping our pets cool – while Susanna Reid and Charlotte Hawkins raise some temperatures even further by broadcasting outside in short, clingy dresses. What’s not to like….?

And while hotter countries encourage their people to cover up, seek the shade, and slip, slap, slop, the average Brit knows better. We strip off. We strip off irrespective of our body shape or location. Topless men parade their six packs and beer bellies throughout our fair land – a practise I would personally ban and restrict to the immediate vicinity of beaches and swimming pools. And muffin tops similarly perambulate the streets showing their tan lines, tattoos, and other bits I’d rather not have seen.

Women (and BMW drivers) naturally pale on one day, become mysteriously orange overnight – except for the back of one leg and the knee of the other….


We don straw Trilbeys or baseball caps, shorts, shades and flip-flops (or socks and sandals if over sixty) and shun the shade. We challenge ourselves to stay as long as possible under the midday sun without adequate UV protection and only a pint or three of lager or strong cider to keep us hydrated. And we turn red.

The night sky turns slightly pink as Brits everywhere radiate after their sunbathing escapades during the day.

The air fills with the unmistakable scent of BBQs – singed flesh, and burnt meat mixed with lighter fuel. And, our Accident and Emergency departments fill with people who have succumbed to the heat, sunburn, lighter fuel, food poisoning, and too much lager.

Embrace the sun – it might have gone by the weekend. But if it has we will still have the droughts and hose-pipe bans to look forward to while we are barbecuing our sausages under an umbrella in the rain….

I feel for all my fellow rosacea sufferers doomed to pinkness at times like these. Factor fifty and proud! On the plus side, at least the gingas have been driven into hiding.



Entry filed under: Cautionary Tales, Charlotte Hawkins, Health, holidays, humour, middleman, vacations, weather. Tags: , , , , , , , .

Shame on you Russia…. The simple pleasures….

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