A Massage of the Soul…..

December 29, 2013 at 6:31 am Leave a comment


Now, when C asked me what spa treatment I would like while having a few days out of the city (of Sydney) in Port Stephens, I thought about it and I opted for an hour of Reiki. She seemed surprised. She must have asked me five or a dozen times between making the booking and me turning up this morning if I was sure. I wasn’t. But I was intrigued..

And, when I mentioned it to my hippy friend, Tim who is considerably more in touch with his yin and yang than yours truly, he merely stated “try not to laugh”.
And so, it was with some slight trepidation that I turned up at the spa this morning for the massage of my soul.

I was greeted by a mature lady, slightly librarian-like, but strangely dressed as a Ninja assassin in black pyjamas. She ushered me into the treatment room which, at first glance, reminded me of the dental surgery back home, except it was bereft of a sexy-looking dental nurse, unless she was lurking in the gloom somewhere, for it was quite dark inside.

My Reiki Master asked me to lie down and make myself comfortable. Comfortable? I was dressed in a tee and shorts and felt as exposed as I do in the dentist’s chair. But, I resisted the temptation to cup my genitalia protectively and laid my hands gently at my side as instructed.

The Ninja lady explained that she would not be touching my body and that I might feel a slight tingling, warmth, and, that I might fall asleep. To be frank I had been hoping for much more than that. I had hoped that the special energies of a Reiki Master might cure my sinusitis and restore the hearing to my right ear. I had hoped to find my yin and yang and to release the child within. I had hoped that the masseuse would discover that the force was strong within me and that there would be a pyro-technical electrical display akin to Phoenix in the X-Men as she struggled to contain it.

But no.

She placed something heavy and scented over my eyes and played a tape of plinky, plonky lute and pan-pipe music interspersed with the sound of birdsong, cicadas, and the occasional ribbit of a frog or a toad. And then, despite her promise to the contrary, she began to touch my body. Very gently she pressed down on my body in various parts. My feet. My head. My arms. My chest and neck. All over, but never straying inappropriately too close to my vulnerable genitalia.

As she touched me I relaxed. My mind drifted. My thoughts turned to how my dental surgery experience could be enhanced by playing the sound of plinky, plonky frog music. I drifted with the music which I am sure at one point played an Outback dawn chorus version of Waltzing Matilda and Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer. But, I might have been mistaken. Distracted. Drifting into unconsciousness….

Occasionally my reverie was interrupted by the slamming of a door, the screaming of a child in the nearby swimming pool, the telephone ringing in the spa reception, or the gentle flushing of a toilet in the ladies’ restroom. But, I managed to stay in the zone. I stayed with the healing hands of my Ninja assassin.

I have to admit that I did not feel any tingling in my body or any warmth from her hands. Unfortunately. And, when she rang her little bell, twice, at the end of the hour’s session I felt a little cheated. And, I couldn’t help thinking that my Reiki experience would have been enhanced by the presence of a sexy dental nurse and my own gentle cupping of my genitalia, for protection.

But then the bombshell. My Reiki Master looked at me solemnly and explained that when she touches someone she can feel a stinging sensation in her hands at points when the inner energies are out of alignment and where there is illness. She explained how she had been stung throughout the right side of my body and that I should be “careful of it”. And, she had been stung when touching my jaw and throat which was likely to be the result of the stress of keeping a thought or feeling unspoken.

My relaxed mood disappeared in a flash and I felt like ordering an ambulance there and then. But, she calmed me with a glass of water and fetched C who looked glowing and serene – she had been having a relaxing face massage in the adjoining treatment room.

I like to think that the Ninja assassin’s advice and warning had been given out of care and not because she had been reading my thoughts and taken umbrage in some way. If, however, it was payback for those thoughts then she was being a little mean. After all, I had minded Tim’s advice. I had not laughed……


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