Pommie Bashing

You can feel it in the air. The tension is growing. There is a distinct whiff of gloating and the sweet, sickly smell of smugness in the Sydney air. And, all of a sudden Australians are attempting to engage me in conversations about sport. As you can imagine, they are not talking to me about the 2014 Football (soccer) World Cup draw, from which Australia was suspiciously absent. No. They want to talk cricket. They want to talk about the Ashes. They want to talk specifically about England’s abysmal performance in the first two Australian tests. They are queuing up to bash this Pom.

It is sometimes hard in times of adversity such as this to retain aloof. It seems a little cruel to prick the Australian pride with a reality check. On balance, I think the gloating rights for 2013 still sit with the old colonial Motherland. Let us not forget, in this time of darkness, that if you look at the combined results of the earlier Ashes series together  with this one, then England still has a lead of three victories to one (OK……one and a half). Nor have we forgotten that England followed a two – one series victory by the British and Irish Lions in Sydney in July with a 20-13 victory over the Wallabies at Twickenham. And, despite the boasting and confidence of Australian champion, Daniel Geale, it was the Brit – Darren Baker – who became the IBF Middleweight champion back in August. And, remember, Rugby League is just a minority sport played by northern pub teams (sorry Tunny)……..

I do hope though that our lads show some of the old Dunkirk spirit and launch a fight back – otherwise these two months down under are going to drag a little more slowly.

However, while my Antipodean “friends” amuse themselves with minor sporting aberrations, I distract myself watching the head of my American colleague swell to the point of exploding as we try to teach her the rules of cricket. For a nation which struggles to get its head around the intricacies of the Infield Fly Rule (baseball,) the sight of men dressed like Morris dancers, wielding “oars” in the middle of a field can be a tad confusing.

And so, over a cleansing ale at the end of the working week we edificated my poor colleague, Jana, into the world in which a nightwatchman falls prey to a ubiquitous maiden, causing him to nervously adjust his box at the crease while the gully amuses himself by sledging and appealing for a leg before. We have had to introduce the topic carefully. I suspect she will threaten me with her boyfriend if I follow up on my offer to show her an educational video of an Australian doing a full toss followed by a googly……