Will the Real Housewives Please Step Forward…..

July 26, 2013 at 1:43 pm 3 comments

My better half, C, is becoming addicted to The Real Housewives – the American (supposed) “reality” TV series which follows the “everyday” lives of rich, botoxed and belligerent “professional” women in various American cities such as New York, Atlanta, Orange County, and – her particular favourite – Beverly Hills. I am sure she views this as a means of “research” – she being a psychotherapist.housewives

Most episodes follow a similar theme: a curvaceous and scantily (if expensively) clad ex-child-TV-star and distant cousin of Paris Hilton struggles with alcoholism and sex-addiction while confessing to her younger, taller, blonder and more-skimpily clad ex-beauty queen (who she loathes) over lunch, in a very public and very expensive restaurant, that she is being beaten by her adulterous husband (who might possibly be an ex-star of Frasier).

To console herself, little miss house on the prairie goes shopping for a killer outfit which she will wear that evening for the charity gala she is hosting in favour of “Women in the shadow of more famous distant cousins”.

The charity event is a televisual device which serves to bring together all of the “real housewives” – the anorexic elder sister, the cut-glass accented English lady with the toy poodle superglued under her arm, and the unfeasibly rich casino owner whose husband looks like he sleeps in a coffin during the daytime and could be a member of the Rolling Stones by night.

The audience can boo at the screen as the wife-beating husband enters stage left like the pantomime villain, and apparently unaware that he has been outed on national television.

The audience can tut and express horror as a passing remark from one housewife to another deteriorates into an all-out bitch-fight with hair extensions, chicken fillets (breast augmentors) and false nails flying everywhere, while their very camp and very gay personal assistants try to separate them.

But of course, the ladies will make up eventually and will cement their renewed bonding with a Baywatch-esque slow-motion jog along the beach in bikinis and the briefest of shorts, sponsored by Gucci, darling.

OK, I may have got a few of the characters mixed up, but you get the gist.

Actually, I find myself quite liking the programme too…….but only for the amazing cars they all seem to drive 😉

BTW – the wife-beating husband eventually kills himself…allegedly.

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It’s Just A Baby Living in the Dark

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