I am regressing!

February 13, 2013 at 1:13 pm 2 comments


Yesterday was Shrove Tuesday . I must have been good because C decided to lavish me with pancakes for the first time in years. Clearly, I have not been very good for years 😦

Now, admittedly, no flour, eggs, and milk were beaten in our house, but the end result was still memorable. Instead, C had acquired “crepes” from Waitrose. But, once heated and smothered in a squeeze of a plastic Jif Lemon, and a sprinkling of sugar, I was, nonetheless, transported back to my childhood and happy, happy food memories.

And, to be fair, pancakes are probably the safest source of nourishment in present times, given the food contamination crisis. The cows in the fields are nervously looking over their shoulders, looking for the invasion of horses which seem to be taking their jobs. Although, I have noticed that the sheep are looking fairly smug.

imageIt was so cold last night in rural Cheshire that the central heating and draught excluders could not keep the cold from our home. And so, we had to close all doors and curtains and light a real fire. And, when tiredness drove us to our bed, I donned PJs for the first time since, well a long time….since childhood.

It was dark, and it was cold, and the threat of snow hung heavily over us. We could imagine the foxes (well, wolves have long-since been extinct in Cheshire and, as we know, the fox is fast developing into the modern-day stuff of nightmares and urban folklore) patrolling the outside of the house, searching and scratching for weak points through which to enter and rip us apart, with nought but our furball baby to protect us.

We are doomed!heart

Now Shrove Tuesday is all too often followed so closely by Valentines Day. I hated Valentines Day when I was a child. I hated Valentines Day when I was growing up. I hated Valentines Day when I was single. I hated Valentines day a lot.

Now, I do not believe that I was an unattractive child, youth, teenager, and young man. At worst – to my face at least – my ego was most often deflated by the description “you’re cute”….. Nowhere to go with that, other than “I like you as a friend” or “You’re like a brother to me.” All of which suggested many a Valentines Day without a kiss, a fumble, and/or a leg over.

I cannot be confident that I ever received a genuine Valentines Card, except when I was in a definite relationship. So, not before university. I suspect that any card I did receive was sent to be by my mom. And, I do not want to dwell on that too much as those thoughts can take you down very dark alleys and really mess with your mind……

And, I sent loads myself. Always anonymous. Always with a nice poem. Always genuinely heartfelt.

Ladies, you all let me down. You all broke my heart. I only wanted to be liked.. I only wanted to be admired. I would have settled for being admired from afar – although intimate would have been better for sure……


Entry filed under: middleman. Tags: , , , , , , , .

Twilight Zone Most Haunted

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. dan flynn  |  February 13, 2013 at 9:32 pm


    Let me settle down here and pick out today’s main themes that are, and I’m painting with a broad brushstroke here: Jiff lemons, pancakes (or crepes if your middle class); that cows should get their shit together afore they’re eclipsed by the horse; Cheshire Wolves; Valentines Day.

    A big yes for jiff lemons. I know they’re not as nice, or lemony, as yer fresh lemon but what a great bit of packaging that unlike your common lemon, is not likely to be destroyed in an apocalypse. Now that must be a plus, surely.

    Re cows looking over proverbial shoulders, they bloody well should do. Cows have always been a bit too complacent if you ask me. All those doe eyes and ruminations and shitting. The need a good shake up.

    Crepes and valentines day go together as far as I can see. And lo, they have for you too. Because someone very special to you, whilst mooching in Waitrose (well, you are in Cheshire) thought I know what he needs. A crepe. There you go. Better than a bloody card, don’t you think?

    Finally, I’d vote for wolves to be re-introduced into Cheshire. A bit of menace on those country lanes would be just the thing. ‘Wolves eat Cheshire Hunt’ isn’t that a headline just dying to be written? Or as the inquest might conclude, a headline worth dying for.

    Ah, well. Living in Manchester I can only dream.


    • 2. Middle Man  |  February 14, 2013 at 11:03 am

      Any idea where I can buy a wolf?




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