A Tale Of Two Cabbies
It was a tale of two cabbies yesterday as Royal Wedding fever gripped the universe – or at least the media universe.
Due to work appointments I was required to catch a taxi and my route there and back took me past Westminster Abbey.
My first “jovial” taxi driver was a poster boy for the BNP who had never had his mouth washed out with soap as a child.
He was in a bad mood and possibly “trippin” as he played his hard-core garage music and gave it large.
He engaged me in conversation throughout the 23 minutes of the journey. He was oblivious to the fact that the conversation was one-sided and that I did not wish to be engaged.
As a white van blocked his path he declared “f-in muppet! F-in O-level”, a qualification I am quite confident he was lacking. As an Asian lady attempted to get into another taxi in the middle of the road, he exclaimed “she’s ‘avin a f-in larrf!” And, as we passed the chaos and media scrum around Westminster Abbey he peaked (or should that be climaxed).
Upon spotting an attractive news reporter interviewing one of the many “royal fans” (escaped inmates) camped outside, he shouted “look at the f-in tart in the black skirt. I’d f-in do her. I’d ‘ave my head straight up that skirt!”
He then explained how the Royal Wedding wasn’t (a royal wedding) because Kate was an “f-in commun-a” and that was why the wedding had to be on a Friday instead of at the weekend.
He then declared how the whole thing would have to be called off due to “F-in Muslamists” who were going to demonstrate. Apparently there is one law for them and another for the “f-in” rest of us.
As we passed the square with the statue of Winston Churchill and former site of the so-called peace camp, he expressed his dislike that a “f-in” South African should have a statue next to the great leader – clearly demonstrating his ignorance of British history and the role played by the eminent Commonwealth statesman, Jan Smuts. Although, I was impressed that he knew he was a “f-in Boer”.
He was then explaining to me how he wasn’t a “f-in racialist” when, fortunately we arrived at Shell Centre.
I didn’t tip him…….
Thankfully, the return trip was much more relaxed and enjoyable.
As we passed the Abbey on the return leg, my Cabbie stated “doesn’t it make you proud to be British? Don’t it show the nation of at it’s best? Did you know that there are 650,000 foreigners coming to London this weekend just to see the wedding?”.
Quite a contrast…….