Missing Home

February 24, 2011 at 9:15 am 3 comments


Is it wrong to be sexually attracted to the cartoon babe, Roxanne, in Megamind? (Guys, I encourage you to check her out).

In my defence, I suspect it is because I am sleep deprived. I have been deprived of sleep since last Sunday when I was awake at 4 am before setting off on my Odyssey to Singapore and Sydney and home again via London and Hong Kong.

I am currently wide awake on a 747 en route between Singapore and Australia. To be fair, right now I am partly awake because a gorgeous young blonde twentysomething has just bent over in front of me and she is wearing very, very tight leggings and, apparently, only scanty things thereunder.

I am fortunate enough to be sat in an extra leg room space, next to an exit and the galley. So, there has been a number of people hovering, stretching and exercising. Most have been old, infirm or minging but…. Hold on, she’s doing it again. I am pretty sure that she thinks I’m concentrating on what I’m writing, otherwise she wouldn’t be doing that. Right there. Right now. In front of my face. It has got my circulation pumping much better than the couple of aspirin I had at breakfast to stave off the old DVT. And breathe …..

I didn’t sleep well last night. I am not sure that the Chinese banquet that I ate for lunch mixed too well with the rather spicy Indian that I had for dinner! Consequently, I was wide awake again at quarter to four in the morning. On the upside, I did manage to seize the opportunity to phone home and speak to C. I’m missing home. This was probably my only window to catch C before I get home on Saturday. It was great to hear her voice even if it did make me a little more homesick.

Anyhow, I’d just dropped off again when I was awoken again by a text coming through from my boss. I thought it was a bit mean as he is currently on holiday, skiing in France (hopefully not while texting though), and the text consisted of a joke at the expense of my beloved Birmingham City – he is a Villa season ticket holder. The joke went:

A Birmingham City fan is walking his dog when a genie appears & grants him one wish. The ‘Blue nose’ asks for his dog to win crufts. The genie looks at the dog, that has only got three legs, one ear & is blind & says ”I can grant wishes mate, but not miracles.” The genie suggests the blue nose should choose another wish. He thinks very hard & then asks for the blues to beat Arsenal at Wembley. The genie says ”Give me another look at that dog!”

People who don’t travel on business think that business travel is glamorous. Little do they know. It isn’t. I recently posted on Facebook a picture of the Singapore Sling cocktail I had at lunchtime on Tuesday at the Raffles Hotel.

My sister, who doesn’t travel on business (to be fair, she rarely travels at all unless it is to Tenby), commented to the effect that it was “alright for some!”. Yeah, alright for the some that lose two days of their weekend, to spend forty five hours in the back of the plane, not sleeping, working hard and away from his nearest and dearest and the furball baby for six straight days. So excuse me if I took four hours out with my similarly disadvantaged colleague to have lunch at Raffles and walk around Marina Bay and Clarke Quay!!!

I must also remember to compliment (not) then Marriott in Singapore for its extreme tackiness on Expedia or wherever. This is a two fifty pound a night (hundred that is) joint, and I have rarely seen such blatant, overt prostitution outside of Budapest and the Strand Palace in London. The bar was constantly staffed by petite Thai hookers in fuck me shoes and little black dresses.

They weren’t the most attractive. They could easily have passed for trannies or ladyboys. As far as I could tell, however, these two were the madams who sucked the punters in (in?) and negotiated the price, before going out and bringing back the working girls, who, I have to admit, looked pretty high class and easy on the eye, if not the wallet.

And, there seemed to be a steady stream of ageing Yanks, overweight Australians, and nervous looking middle-aged Brits with their Singaporean guides, who were willing to partake. How do they look themselves in the mirror and go home to kiss their wives and kids?

Me and my colleague just drank beer. Mind you, if you could see Alistair, you would understand how he might cramp my style somewhat. 😉

Anyhow, I have spent the day, awake in transit to Oz. We are due to arrive at 8 this evening. We are in meetings from 9 until 2pm tomorrow before flying home at 3.45pm, in the back of the plane, via Hong Kong and London. Lucky me.

I’m missing home!

I might watch Megamind again……


Entry filed under: middleman. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , .

Sleep eludes me Sweet Enough?

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. dannyllama  |  February 24, 2011 at 9:30 am

    Ahh Singapore. Once described to me as “Asia for beginners”. The place is alive with a wonderful cross culture energy. I love the place, not only for the food and Tiger beer…but also because there are little cuties everywhere ! The aforementioned Caucasians with their “native” guides are everywhere in Asia…and that’s something that I try to avoid as I want my own experience of the country.

    I get the same reaction from people when I saw “I’m off to so and so for work”. Lucky you they reply. However the boredom of enforced companionship of being with colleagues soon wears thin, and you simply drink as a pastime !

    Still, that wanderlust does get into the blood…


  • 2. Wingnut  |  March 2, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    My experience of Singapore was very similar. Orchard Towers being the centre of sleaze with western middle aged men grinning from ear to ear as they pick up a Thai/Malay/Indonesian hooker.

    I also agree about the business trips. As I write this I’m sat in a crappy Holiday Inn in crappy Woking a second week. There is nothing glamorous about Woking whatsoever. Not even the interesting War of the Worlds statue can raise the character of this miserable place. Even going to Tunis pre-revolution was not that glamorous although the hotel was better and like Singapore came with Tunisian prostitutes.

    I am certainly not Clooney in Up in the Air


    • 3. Anonymous  |  March 2, 2011 at 5:43 pm

      To be fair, Wingnut, you are not Clooney full stop.



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