Posts tagged ‘louise minchin’

2011 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 100,000 times in 2011. If it were an exhibit at the Louvre Museum, it would take about 4 days for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

January 1, 2012 at 12:33 pm Leave a comment

2010 in review

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The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 140,000 times in 2010. If it were an exhibit at The Louvre Museum, it would take 6 days for that many people to see it.

In 2010, there were 60 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 223 posts. There were 35 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 2mb. That’s about 3 pictures per month.

The busiest day of the year was December 4th with 2,434 views. The most popular post that day was Happy Days.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were everyjoe.com, stephennewton.com, mrcrip.com, somegirlsyoumaylike.com, and 2oceansvibe.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for sheep, louise minchin stockings, banana splits, louise minchin, and kylie minogue nude.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Happy Days October 2008
9 comments

2

Sheep To The Slaughter November 2007
7 comments

3

Sting in the Tale June 2008
4 comments

4

Whatever Happened To The News? March 2008
8 comments

5

The Times They Are A Changin Part 2 July 2007
7 comments

January 4, 2011 at 9:17 am Leave a comment

Top Searches

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cat

About a year ago I wrote a post commenting on the strange searches that people had used to find my site – you can read about it here.christine

Well, I am glad to say that I still seem to be popular with a certain demographic. Today’s top ten searches were:

  • Kat Deeley (note the American spelling thereof)
  • Louise Minchin stockings
  • Claudia Winkleman nude
  • Anthea Turner
  • Kylie Minogue nu-di-ty (why the hyphens?)
  • Poppy Appeal
  • Banana Splits
  • Cat Deeley nude
  • Nude celebrities
  • Christine Bleakley nude

While I personally am disappointed at the demise of Sally James in school uniform, I guess this at least explains the success of Celebrity Strictly Come Dancing and Dancing With The Stars. Methinks it also provides a certain insight into the inner thoughts of men in their mid-forties. Dirty boys!kylie 1

If you have found this post through one of these searches please feel free to use the search box top right to find the specific post you are looking for. Knock yourself out! ;)

November 6, 2009 at 9:18 am 1 comment

What Does An Eye Taste Like?

I don’t have to watch the BBC Breakfast News to know who is doing the weather reports or which poor female reporter has got the bum seat on the big red sofa next to that smarmy, chinless, waste of space which is Bill Turnbull. No, these days I can pretty much guess who is on by checking out my blog’s dashboard. Checking out the search engine terms that found my blog. So, today, my guess is that Louise Lear will be huddled under an umbrella in the Blue Peter Garden or somewhere, sporting one of her brightly coloured, tailored raincoats, while Louise Minchin has the unenviable tasks of bringing a semblance of dignity and professionalism to the news reports despite the best efforts of that poodle Turnbull to sabotage things with his ridiculous quips, died hair and plucked eyebrows.

I like to think of my dashboard as a bit of a barometer on the state of the world. So, what do you make of today’s top ten? The ten top search engine terms which found my blog so far this morning are as follows:

lear

1) Louise Lear

2) Kylie Minogue legs

3) “Louise Minchin”

4) Neighbours constant loud music

5) Neighbours from hell

6) Air France leg room

7) Sally James school uniform

8.) What does an eye taste like?

9) Female prefect caned

10) Cat Deeley topless

deeley

So, what do we make of all that? I can only assume that my blog is mostly visited by men of a certain age. Well, men of my age I would guess. That would no doubt explain the strange fantasies about the stars of Breakfast TV, Saturday morning childrens’ TV presenters from across the ages, and Kylie of course. That said, I am not sure that her legs are Kylie’s best features, and, you would need a magnifying glass to find Cat’s prize assets. And, quite why “Louise Minchin” always appears within quotation marks I do not know. “Minchin” isn’t a verb to do with sexual activity is it? Is it something humourous like Muffin the Mule?

I can emphasise and sympathise with those poor souls whose existence is blighted by a troublesome neighbour. I have been there. I have got that t-shirt. But, I am a little bemused as to what people were expecting to find in their quest for corporal punishment from a schoolgirl dominatrix? They will be sadly disappointed, underwhelmed, and, in need of a cold shower when they discover the not so rich pickings in Middleman’s blogosphere……..Why would anyone want to know what an eye would taste like?  I can only assume that the answer to that is “It doesn’t taste like chicken!”

I guess it is just another to add to the long list of life’s unanswered questions. Why does toast always fall buttered side down? Why does asparagus make your wee smell like that? Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? How come Bill Turnbull is still employed? And, apparently, what is Louise Minchin’s cup size?

Answers on a postcard please.

legs

Post script:

I recently came across this picture of Sally James. Boy, was she easy on the eye in a woman-next-door kind of way. It’s enough to want you to DIY ;)

May 28, 2008 at 9:50 am 5 comments

Whatever Happened To The News?

Whatever Happened To The News?

Who on Earth thinks that is a good idea to have “Dancing” Bill Turnbull front the BBC Breakfast News? He is hardly a classic news anchor, though he does rhyme with one. He is so smug, so smarmy, so uninspiring, so un-serious, so un-witty, so un-fashionable, and, so, so boring.

His favourite hobbies are bee keeping and ballroom dancing for chrissake! He lowers the tone with his un-naturally plucked eyebrows that hint at a grooming regime that is far more stringent than that of his glamorous colleagues (especially Louise Minchin who often looks as if she has just made it in after a very harrowing trip into the office or an evening doing the kind of things that men fantasize about).

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He lowers the tone with his boring suits and offensive ties. He lowers the tone when attempting, unsuccessfully to conjure witty links between the news stories (I use that term loosely), the weather, the sports report, and those humorous (not) articles they put on about such things as Dancing Dogs at Crufts and the like, or the all-too-frequent and blatant advertisements for the BBC’s own programming – Celebrity Strictly Come Dancing, the Apprentice and so on.

Increasingly, they seem to forget to report the news or do so only fleetingly. We are fighting two wars, there is genocide in Darfur, and we are inundated by stories of children pretending to be news reporters, how to make a pancake, obese cats, and Chris Mullin (the sports presenter who is frequently linked with rumours of off-camera nookie with Carol Kirkwood, the weather presenter) in a rather unattractive all-in-one body suit used by Olympic swimmers.

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The whole programme would be an absolute nightmare and waste of time if it hadn’t been for the constant distraction of his side-kicks. Like Dr Who, Turnbull comes with his own companion, who is usually an intelligent, easy-on-the-eye, foxy if not sexy female presenter. The list is extensive, but, I will include it here for no other reason than it will dramatically increase the hits I get, especially from those very sad souls that somehow always find my posts on Cheshire Swingers, or Sleeping With Julia Roberts (see my post on Strange Visitors by way of explanation) with their very obscure search terms. Sophie Raworth, Natasha Kaplinski (far too much make-up), sporty Kate Silverton, Mishal Husain, and, of course, the dynamic duo which get most men of a certain age going in the morning; the epitome of pint-sized foxiness Susanna Reid (often misspelt in search engines) and Sian Williams. And, not forgetting the glamorous weather girls with which our Bill flirts so furiously: Carol Kirkwood, Helen Willetts, and Louise Lear. Boy, this is going to be my best day ever! ”Carol Kirkwood cleavage” and “Sophie Raworth Legs” are some of the most popular searches in the blogosphere – hands up if you found this site through those searches. Dirty boy!

Bill’s colleagues are all smart and professional. They fill in the serious bits when Bill isn’t reminding us that he too appeared in Celebrity Strictly Come Dancing. Presumably he was attracted by the make-up and the flouncy dresses. Please BBC, Kill Bill! Kick him into touch. Put him out to grass. If it were not for Sian and Susanna it would be nigh on impossible to drag myself out of the bed in the morning. Sometimes it is a relief when I am in a hurry and have to dash to my car and the serious news reporting of the Today programme on Radio 4 –  John Humphrys is a god! At least they seem to take the news seriously and in-depth. What a contrast.

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Post script. I have long since given up on Bill Turnbill and the BBC News in the morning and have gone over to the joys of Sky News with its witty banter from Eamonn Holmes, the easy on the eye Charlotte Hawkins reading the news, and the oh so sexy Lucy Verasamy who puts all other weather girls in the shade.

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March 12, 2008 at 6:56 pm 11 comments


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