We Are Doomed!

June 28, 2013 at 11:32 am Leave a comment

holocaust

It is winter 2015. I am writing this blog under a blanket. By torchlight. And the battery of my PC is down to less than 5%. I am typing quietly, so as not to make any noise. It is dark outside. There has been another power outage. It is cold outside. It has been cold outside since the last great meteor struck Siberia just a few months back. And once it goes dark then THEY come out. Looking for their prey. The genetically deformed ones. The stupid ones. Hoards of terrifying toddlers tottering into the cities. And still we await the first British male winner of Wimbledon since Fred Perry in 1936.mutant

Looking at the day’s news you might assume that this is the near future we have to look forward to here in Britain. Tory Britain. That is if we don’t all get bumped off by a dirty Al Qaeda dirty nuclear bomb, or starve to death as a result of all of our food dying because of a bee shortage.

The news is full of doom and gloom. We are doomed.

The meteor which struck Russia in February this year was apparently larger than a double-decker bus and weighed 10,000 tons. Its explosive power was twenty-nine times that of the bomb dropped on Hiroshima. The shockwave from the blast travelled around the world. Twice. We may not be so lucky next time. They are predicting a next time.

The government seems poised to allow IVF which will produce babies with three genetic parents in an attempt to genetically engineer the eradication of mitochondrial diseases. Does the government not watch horror movies? Genetic engineering only ever produces bad things such as the Fly.

By September 2014 there will be a shortage of some 260,000 classroom places in our primary schools, leading to larger class sizes and the expansion of poorly performing schools. We will be producing sub-educated children by the score.

And, our usage of electricity will be at close to 100% of our production capacity by 2015. The National Grid is calling for large consumers in industry to be incentivized to limit their usage during the hours of 4pm to 8pm in winter in an attempt to limit the number of power outages. We are returning to the early 1970s, when power cuts were commonplace and the smell of paraffin lamps filled the air.

So, all seems well in this sceptred isle – not! We can only hope that the High Speed Two train will run on time – if we are all around in 2026 to enjoy its inaugural journey………

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Terrorism at the Front Door So, what did we do before mobile phones?

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