On today’s seven hour journey from home (near Manchester) to Prague I had plenty of time to ponder the demise of the flying industry. Plenty of time to bemoan the lack of a hot towel and a sweet to suck at takeoff and landing. A time when the trolly service was more a case of pass the bottle and a warm meal was served on proper china and eaten with a real knife and fork fashioned from Sheffield’s finest. And the ladies doing the serving looked like proper ladies in skirts and stockings rather than the kind of slacks/trousers that you would expect to see your mom in. Hats off to KLM – at least they have retained a traditional uniform. The only problem is that the flight attendants have aged somewhat. They may have the clothes but they lost their wiggle back in the 80s. And, my in-flight meal today consisted of a choice between a poor man’s wagon wheel (those were the days) and packet of 6 Tuc Biscuits. Now I can be partial to a savoury biscuit with a glass of wine and some nice cheese but not with a complimentary coffee or a juice.
Travel by air is just not what it used to be. Czech Airlines decided to cancel my convenient hop from Manchester to Prague so today I was forced to go from Birmingham via Amsterdam. Thanks to Al Qaeda and the resultant enhanced security checks; the budget airlines who have brought international travel within the grasp of the great unwashed and unedificated; and, Japanese tourists, transit through airports has become a nightmare. I nearly missed my connection in Schiphol because of the twenty five minute queue for security. Standing in line for such a long time with my laptop in one hand and a bag of liquids and my belt in another, shuffling along like a man on death row hoping my trousers don’t fall down. Eventually I get to the top of the queue for passport control when an Italian – they are always Italian – gent pushes to the front declaring that he has “a two minutez to catcha a ma plane – do you a mind eef I push in?”. “They might” I respond pointing to the queue of people behind me. He pushes in anyway declaring “I canna a ask a them all”. I hope he missed his plane. I was taken on one side to have my bag searched because I had a “suspicious umbrella”. What could be suspicious about a Brit with an umbrella this time of year?
The flight to Prague was interesting. I sat throughout the flight with my eyes watering from the strong if, no doubt, expensive perfume of the elegant mature Czech lady sat to my left. She was more blinged up than your average rapper or Premiership footballer but with much better legs. I got wafts of her scent whenever she moved. She moved often because she was practising for a role in a hair product advert. The one where you have to flick your hair in a certain way “because your worth it”.
She was one of those skinny, bottoxed, glamorous fifty somethings that do lunch in Wilmslow and Alderley Edge and the like. She had expensively streaked colour to hide her natural blonde tendencies. She had boots with heels that a cat-walk model would break her neck on. Makeup. Lots of it. But not enough to hide the sagginess in her cheeks and neck. She wore a fur wrap which could have been the real thing and had eyebrows so perfectly plucked that they wouldn’t have seemed out of place on Peter Andre.
Travel really is such a drag. It flattened my mood somewhat from the high I achieved last night when Jedward were booted off X-factor. There is a god, or, maybe, Simon Cowell is a supreme being. Shame about Katie Price aka Jordan leaving the jungle though……..
Now I’m stuck in another nondescript hotel room. Don’t get me started……..
November 23, 2009
About a year ago I wrote a post commenting on the strange searches that people had used to find my site – you can read about it here.
Well, I am glad to say that I still seem to be popular with a certain demographic. Today’s top ten searches were:
- Kat Deeley (note the American spelling thereof)
- Louise Minchin stockings
- Claudia Winkleman nude
- Anthea Turner
- Kylie Minogue nu-di-ty (why the hyphens?)
- Poppy Appeal
- Banana Splits
- Cat Deeley nude
- Nude celebrities
- Christine Bleakley nude
While I personally am disappointed at the demise of Sally James in school uniform, I guess this at least explains the success of Celebrity Strictly Come Dancing and Dancing With The Stars. Methinks it also provides a certain insight into the inner thoughts of men in their mid-forties. Dirty boys!
If you have found this post through one of these searches please feel free to use the search box top right to find the specific post you are looking for. Knock yourself out! 
November 6, 2009
The usual nonsense regarding the do’s and don’ts and the rights and wrongs about the annual Poppy Appeal has begun in earnest as we approach Remembrance Sunday. Well, in that comic the Sun at least, where they choose to berate the stars of Celebrity Strictly Come Dancing and big-up the X-Factor contestants – read about it here.
As I said last year, however, please ignore all the political correct rubbish that is spouted about the poppy, and, as it states here – wear it with pride.
PS. If you have found this site by searching on X Factor can I take this opportunity to plead for you to please, please, please vote to get John and Edwood (Jedward) out (or at least not to continue voting to keep them in). This is our national pride we are talking about here.
November 3, 2009
They are at it again! Mind you, I can tell you a thing or two about neighbours – read about it here.
November 2, 2009
I saw this article in the Sunday Times yesterday. It reminded me of the “joys” of bitte ballen. The Dutch are even less foodie than us Brits. Mind you, Rotterdam is a special place – read about it here.
November 2, 2009
