Too Fat To……?

Did you see the start of the new-look X-Factor at the weekend?

 It seems that Simon Cowell has successfully refreshed the finogueormat, recognising that most people enjoy the auditions more than the competition proper. There is the usual line up of judges – the brutally honest and open Cowell; the dated and out-of-touch Louis Walsh; the apparently botoxed-no-more, wrong Minogue sister (sigh Kylie); and, the gorgeous, heart-on-her-sleeve Geordie, Cheryl Cole. But, now the auditions are held in front of large, live audience – adding a big chunk of fear factor and instant audible feedback to proceedings.

As ever, there was the usual mix of untalented, out-of-tune wannabees. There were some who were obviously/hopefully doing it for a bet/laugh. And, there were a few uncomfortable moments when it felt that the great British public were having a laugh at the expense of the mentally ill – I am sure that a number of care institutions were missing a few inmates on the days of the auditions.

But, why oh why oh why oh why oh why do we continue to give airtime and media coverage to those lard-arses in the super-sized Chawner family?!?!?! Follow this link to the video but make sure you have a sick bag or other suitable receptacle to hand……..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HxT2AuF1M0

This was the third year on the trot that talentless titan, Emma Chawner had auditioned for the show, but, this time, she brought her equally obese and untalented sister with her. I assume that they had the floor reinforced for the occasion. I wish they had provided ear plugs too.  I have heard foxes having sex that were easier on the ear.

Earlier this year, the Chawner family (83 combined stones of mom, dad, and two elephant princesses) were splashed across our tabloids (presumably double page spreads) defending their £22k in benefits on the basis that they were “too fat to work”. What?! Why?! Were they trying to induce sympathy from my fellow tax-payers and myself?

This family should be given media coverage. There should be posters around the country showing this family with slogans such as “If you are like this you will have your benefit removed”, “If you treat your children like this you will be prosecuted for child abuse”, “It’s not big and it’s not clever”, “Education is the way out”.

Now prepare for all those comments from bleeding-heart over-weight moaners and their defence of “big bones”, “medical condition”, “depression”, etc. Drag yourself off the sofa, get a life, do some exercise, and, above all, step away from the fridge!

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It is Summer – Today!

 

According to the rather attractive Sky News weather girl, Lucy Versamy, it is going to reach the heady heights of 28 to 30 degrees Celsius in the UK today. Consequently I am sporting my shorts, t-shirts and flip flops (thongs for any Aussies that pop by) and my knotted hankie and deck chair are at the ready. And, I am waiting.

To be honest, I am not hopeful. It looks a tad overcast out there at the mo and I am trying to entice the cat to sit on my lap to keep my knees warm. And, we were promised a “barbecue summer” by the Met Office some time back. And, it never materialised. Indeed, a few weeks back I had to bolster our flood defences……it has been October/November throughout the months of July/August in this small corner of Cheshire.

My resident conspiracy theorist, C,  claims that the “barbecue summer” claim was put about by the government to encourage people to take holidays at home or in the UK to boost the economy. For once, she may have been right.

But surely it will backfire next year – one fortnight bailing out of a leaking tent or sitting in a British seaside cafe nursing a mug of tea and soaking in the vinegar will surely prompt a mass exodus of the great unwashed to Costa Del Karaoke next year………

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Hollywood Re-writes History

So, apparently our kids are growing up and learning a Hollywood version of history which is not factual! Read about it here.

It seems that our American cousins are sometimes re-writing history to show the USA in a good light – if you look at most American WWII films you would think that they won it on their own and would have done so a lot quicker if they were not constantly distracted by rescuing us poor Brits….and let’s not even start on U571.

I would like to think that this is not deliberate Soviet-style re-writing of history. No, more likely it is driven from a desire to tell a good story. Or, it could be based upon a lack of awareness of the world outside of America and a lack of knowledge of historical facts.

I once sat in an airport lounge in Athens in 1992 or so and “overheard” a conversation between two very large American businessmen. I say “overheard” but it was clear from the volume of their conversation that they felt a strong need to share their wisdom with the entire lounge. They were talking about the Bosnia-Croatia-Serbia conflict that was raging in the former Yugoslavia…..or at least I think they were. The conversation went something like this (to be read in a southern American drawl) – “Ya’ll heard about this war in Czechoslovakia? Jeez, that would be like Kentucky going to war with Virginia!” In retrospect I think that probably sums up the troubled history of the Balkans pretty well

To be honest though, I am not sure that being flexible with historical fact is restricted to our friends across the pond. I am not sure that the UK’s first venture into Afghanistan was successful because a Scottish regiment lifted their skirts (I know they’re called kilts) as in Carry On Up The Khyber…….