Back Seat Drivers

C is not the best of passengers when I am driving. She is a tad nervous.

Of course, she has n reason to be so as I am a faultless driver, perfectly in control of my mean machine – the sleek black Audi TT. My forward awareness and peripheral vision are beyond compare. My reading of the road is second to none. For sure, I take a more libertarian view of speed limits occasionally, but, I make allowances for road conditions and am always aware of my stopping distance. And, as my earlier “close call” proved, the TT has excellent brakes! Not that I always drive on the brakes – I hate those drivers who speed up to the car in front of them and then brake. You then follow (at a safe distance – remember the two second rule!) and they are constantly touching their brakes instead of adjusting their speed using the accelerator and gears.

But, C is a nervous co-pilot. She sits grinning like the Joker through clenched teeth while gripping the door handle as if she is ready to bale out at the slightest provocation. Indeed, if you look closely at the door handle you will see that she has left little indentations and scratch marks where her nails have dug in.

On every occasion that she sees the brake lights of the vehicle in front she will scream, grab my leg, and berate me for getting too close. I don’t get too close. In fact, I rarely get closer. I rarely get closer because I have a) anticipated, b) left sufficient room and c) adjusted my speed by taking my foot off the accelerator while keeping my foot hovering over the brake pedal just in case. But, this is not enough. Unless I perform an emergency stop, I am deemed to have been driving without due care and attention by she who should be obeyed.

This is often a source of “tension” while driving. Indeed, this is second only to “navigating” or “giving directions” as a source of “tension” while driving. As readers of my earlier post about our weekend in Goodwood will remember, I have recently been badly let down by my SatNav so remain vulnerable to criticism in that particular area. Indeed, that experience almost prompted a purchase of a Russell Brockbank Cartoon at one of the Goodwood stalls:

Of course, I am only joking at my good lady’s expense. Indeed, driving along with C in the TT, with Radio 4 for company, exploring new areas of beautiful countryside is one of life’s true pleasures…….if only you can block out the pain as she grabs your leg and digs her nails in!