What Does An Eye Taste Like?

May 28, 2008 at 9:50 am 5 comments

I don’t have to watch the BBC Breakfast News to know who is doing the weather reports or which poor female reporter has got the bum seat on the big red sofa next to that smarmy, chinless, waste of space which is Bill Turnbull. No, these days I can pretty much guess who is on by checking out my blog’s dashboard. Checking out the search engine terms that found my blog. So, today, my guess is that Louise Lear will be huddled under an umbrella in the Blue Peter Garden or somewhere, sporting one of her brightly coloured, tailored raincoats, while Louise Minchin has the unenviable tasks of bringing a semblance of dignity and professionalism to the news reports despite the best efforts of that poodle Turnbull to sabotage things with his ridiculous quips, died hair and plucked eyebrows.

I like to think of my dashboard as a bit of a barometer on the state of the world. So, what do you make of today’s top ten? The ten top search engine terms which found my blog so far this morning are as follows:

lear

1) Louise Lear

2) Kylie Minogue legs

3) “Louise Minchin”

4) Neighbours constant loud music

5) Neighbours from hell

6) Air France leg room

7) Sally James school uniform

8.) What does an eye taste like?

9) Female prefect caned

10) Cat Deeley topless

deeley

So, what do we make of all that? I can only assume that my blog is mostly visited by men of a certain age. Well, men of my age I would guess. That would no doubt explain the strange fantasies about the stars of Breakfast TV, Saturday morning childrens’ TV presenters from across the ages, and Kylie of course. That said, I am not sure that her legs are Kylie’s best features, and, you would need a magnifying glass to find Cat’s prize assets. And, quite why “Louise Minchin” always appears within quotation marks I do not know. “Minchin” isn’t a verb to do with sexual activity is it? Is it something humourous like Muffin the Mule?

I can emphasise and sympathise with those poor souls whose existence is blighted by a troublesome neighbour. I have been there. I have got that t-shirt. But, I am a little bemused as to what people were expecting to find in their quest for corporal punishment from a schoolgirl dominatrix? They will be sadly disappointed, underwhelmed, and, in need of a cold shower when they discover the not so rich pickings in Middleman’s blogosphere……..Why would anyone want to know what an eye would taste like?  I can only assume that the answer to that is “It doesn’t taste like chicken!”

I guess it is just another to add to the long list of life’s unanswered questions. Why does toast always fall buttered side down? Why does asparagus make your wee smell like that? Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? How come Bill Turnbull is still employed? And, apparently, what is Louise Minchin’s cup size?

Answers on a postcard please.

legs

Post script:

I recently came across this picture of Sally James. Boy, was she easy on the eye in a woman-next-door kind of way. It’s enough to want you to DIY ;)

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Brothers-In-Law In A Double Bed I Can’t Afford It!

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Middleman  |  July 4, 2008 at 8:15 am

    It seems that our American cousins are truly enamoured with our Cat Deeley. My posts that have her tagged seem very popular all of a sudden. I think she must be a bit of a hit as the host of So You Think You Can Dance – the US version of Come Dancing. I didn’t realise that ballroom dancing was so popular with your average redneck male…..

    Reply
  • 2. Steve  |  September 10, 2008 at 2:23 pm

    OK, I admit it. I found this post by searching for “Louise Minchin”, with the quotes! I was actually searcing in Google Images, mind, and it was your picture of Sally that appeared. Doesn’t look like Louise… thought I.

    Reply
  • 3. Jai  |  August 11, 2009 at 4:15 am

    Damn.

    I really wanted to know what the eye tasted like.

    Reply
    • 4. Middle Man  |  August 11, 2009 at 7:34 am

      Not Cat Deeley topless? ;)

      Reply
  • 5. Dinovelli  |  March 8, 2012 at 5:51 am

    Eyes are warm, hot, and salty, but only lickd , not eating the eye

    Reply

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expatnewby

My own, honest (ish) thoughts and fears of expat life.

Middle Man

These are the sometimes irreverent ramblings and observations of an English middle-aged man and middle manager.....

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