EuroVision

 

EuroVision

Recently there has been one helluva fuss in the UK about whether or not we should hold a referendum on the European Union’s Lisbon Treaty. The argument is all to do with a so-called election pledge by the Blair/Brown Government to hold a referendum on the EU Constitution. Those in favour of a referendum claim that the Lisbon Treaty is in fact the old Constitution under another name. The Government claims that this is ridiculous. It is ridiculous despite the fact that it differs from the Constitution by just 4% of words. I haven’t read it myself but presumably the 4% of words that are different are pretty important. Words like “not”, “never”, “speak German”, “eat snails” and “Gordon Brown” (in the signature box at the end).

Actually, I do not feel bad at not having read it. By all accounts it is a voluminous tome and, to be frank, I struggle with your average Harry Potter. However, it seems patently clear that few of our politicians have read the damn thing either. Presumably they are all too busy fiddling filling in their expense claims. Whether they have read it or not, they seem to be getting rather heated under the collar about the whole affair. The Lib Dems walked out of the Commons after one of their number refused to sit down when ordered to do so by the Speaker in a scene not un-reminiscent of your average kindergarten.

Then, last week, some activist group or other “balloted” a few thousand people who read the (Torygraph) Telegraph, were over the age of seventy, who shout at foreigners to make themselves understood, and, who still feel strongly that the Germans did rather too nicely out of the war settlement than they should have done. Not surprisingly, some 88% “voted” in favour of a referendum. The remaining 12% were presumably having a nap, busy organising some Women’s Institute event, or had mislaid their reading glasses.

To be honest, the prospect of your average “man on the London omnibus” being let loose to decide on anything of any importance strikes fear to my very core. Haven’t these people watched Jeremy Kyle or seen the front cover of the Sun Comic/ Newspaper? Your average British Joe can hardly spell their own name, wouldn’t be able to point to Lisbon on a map. In fact, they probably couldn’t point to London on a map! They probably couldn’t spell “map”!!

Look what happens when you give the British public a vote. Andy bloody Abraham gets voted in as the UK’s Eurovision contestant. For chrissake!! We have one of the most vibrant and successful music industries in the world and Andy from the X Factor is the best that we can come up with. He didn’t even win X Factor. Mind you, there wasn’t much of a choice. There was a couple of failed Pop Idol contestants, an anorexic Swede, a Romanian chick on acid, some builder who failed in his bid to become Joseph, and Michele Gayle out of work wannabee and former child star of Grange Hill and Eastenders.

I think Gayle should have won it. At least she is more pleasing to the eye and I think the lyrics to her song could have cut it with our Eastern European friends. She sang a song called “Woo” with the chorus of “Oooh Yeah Woo” which reminded me of the fake orgasm scene in “When Harry Met Sally”.

I don’t know why I even watched the programme. Well, actually I do. There was only Ant and Dec on the other side and Carrie Grant (one of the judges) and Claudia Winkelman (one of the hosts) are absolute babes.

So the great British voter has in the last three years sent a white rap artist with strippers dressed like schoolgirls (Daz Sampson), strippers dressed as Air Stewardesses (Scooch), and now Andy to represent our great nation in Europe. Our only hope is that they beat the Irish entry – Dustin the Turkey – but I wouldn’t bet on it.

And these people want a referendum on the Lisbon treaty. Please, no!